The Happy Homemaking Blog

The people in my life that know me well probably know that I am a list maker. I enjoy jotting down lists about anything and everything, and my days are often most productive when I begin them by making a list of all the things I need to get done. Lists motivate me, they entertain me, and they often provide a way for me to focus my thoughts. 

I think lists are helpful in most areas of life, but today I want to challenge you to make a list, and I’ll tell you why I believe it can be so beneficial for your marriage. 

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I was a pretty agreeable, reasonable kid. While I definitely had bad days here and there, I never went through the typical teenage stage of being extremely emotional and hormonal. But, just like any other kid, there were times when I would be at odds with my parents or siblings, and times where I didn’t particularly like my family or my life. 

I vividly remember one specific time when I was furious with my parents, although I don’t remember exactly what I was so upset about. When our argument had finished I went outside, climbed a tree, and let the silence and the wind envelope me. I prayed for the Lord to calm my anger and to take away the angry thoughts I was thinking about my parents. 

Then I decided to start making a mental list of all the reasons I was grateful for my parents. The first few reasons were difficult to come up with, because it’s hard to set aside your feelings when you’re angry. But as I went on mentally adding to my list, the anger completely melted away and it was replaced with an overwhelming love for my parents and thankfulness for all the blessings in my life. 

I’ve continued to use that technique since that day. Whenever I would get angry with someone and my emotions became too involved, whenever I felt like there was nothing I liked about my life, whenever I didn’t feel seen or cared about, whenever a situation left me feeling hopeless, I pulled out my list. Sometimes the list was mental, and sometimes it was on paper. Sometimes my goal was to list all the reasons I was thankful for something or someone, sometimes it was to list all the ways God has blessed me, sometimes it was just to list all the happy moments I could remember from that week or that day. It’s always helped and there have been times when it’s brought me to tears to realize just how blessed I am. 

I believe it can be especially beneficial to put this into practice within your marriage. My husband and I don’t argue very much, but when we do, I find that it hurts more to be at odds with him than with any other person. In marriage you and your partner are a team, and to not feel fully united with your life teammate is very painful. Feeling hurt or betrayed by your spouse can be some of the worst feelings in the world. 

Even though you may feel as though you are the one in the right in your disagreement, I encourage you to put aside your feelings and remind yourself why you love this person. Why you married them. Why they make you happy. How they’ve blessed you. How they complete you. 

You don’t even have to be mad at them or in the middle of an argument! Anytime is a good time to think about all the things you love about your partner and all the blessings in your life.

Maybe you’re not the “list-making” type of person, like I am. It can be difficult to just sit down, tune out all of the other thoughts taking up space in your mind, and think of a long list. Start small if you have to. Write your list down if your mind isn’t focused enough to do it mentally. Don’t worry about being super profound and don’t worry about what someone else would think if they saw your list. 

Just write whatever comes to mind. 

If you need some inspiration to get you started, I’ve included a portion of a recent list in which I wrote some of the things I love about my husband and my marriage. So this week, I challenge you to write a list of your own. Happy writing! 

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10 Things I’m Thankful For In My Marriage

I’m thankful that…

1. My husband loves me and works hard to take care of me. 
2. We have a happy, God-centered marriage. 
3. My husband loves my cooking and encourages me in my hobbies and interests.
4. I know that someone always has my back.
5. I get to share so many happy memories and new experiences with my favorite person.
6. My husband cherishes my body.
7. I always feel calm and safe in my husband’s arms. 
8. I get to make my husband laugh and smile, and serve him everyday. 
9. My husband loves hearing my thoughts and listening to my opinions. 
10.  I get to wake up beside the love of my life every morning.

What is on your list? I’d love to hear about your lists in the comments. 🙂