There are so many catchphrases about marriage that are thrown around as if they’re supposed to be funny or good advice, but I don’t find them to be either. The phrases that I go over in this post are common and I’m sure you’ve heard most, if not all of them. Today I’m going to list six phrases about marriage that I really don’t like, I’m going to tell you why I don’t like them, and why I think they should be done away with.
So let’s get started…
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- “Try before you buy”
In the context of relationships, this phrase means to have sex with someone before you marry them. The idea behind it is that you are “trying the merchandise before signing the contract” or giving the car a “test drive” before you buy it. An argument that I’ve heard several times as to why this is a good idea, is that it’s better to find out if you are sexually compatible with someone before you commit to them.
This phrase annoys me to no end. Sexual compatibility is something that is grown between two people over time; it is not something that you either do or do not have with someone. It is learned and cultivated. It is built upon commitment, love, and trust. Do not believe that it is something you need to experience with someone in order to know if you are right for each other. Once you are married to someone, you have your whole lives together to build healthy and loving sexual compatibility.
- You are marrying a family.
This is one that I’ve heard many times. While I understand what this phrase is going for, I simply do not agree with it.
Marriage is a sacred covenant made between a husband and wife. It is a commitment to love and submit to one another and to remain sexually exclusive to each other. This is not a commitment you make to your spouse’s family.
When you get married, you become a part of another family. Anything from your spouse’s family that affects them, now affects you. You gain another set of parental figures, another set of familial problems, and another set of people to love on and receive love from. But you do not make the commitment to them that you do to your spouse.
In fact, Matthew 19:5 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (ESV) The bond and covenant between a husband and wife is separate from the relationship that either has with outside family members.
You can absolutely embrace your new family and rejoice that you are now one of them. But you only become one flesh with your spouse, not their family.
- “Happy wife, happy life”
When you get married, you should strongly desire to bring your spouse happiness, so I don’t take issue with the idea that a husband should want to and actively try to bring his wife happiness. It’s the attitude behind this statement that I really dislike.
Every time I’ve ever heard this saying, it was in the context of a husband talking about his wife being upset about something- usually something he did. Then the person the husband is conversing with usually comes in with the “You know what they say, ‘Happy wife, happy life’.” The intent behind this saying is that the husband should simply apologize to his wife even if he was not in the wrong or he should simply do what his wife wants even if that’s not the action that makes the most sense, because his life will be easier if his wife is happy.
This may or may not seem obvious to you, but that is not a healthy way for a marriage to function. One partner should not be making their spouse’s life miserable simply because they didn’t get their way, and the other spouse should not be appeasing their partner simply because it’s easier that way. Healthy marriages do include room for compromise and, at times, letting something go because that would be the loving thing to do for your spouse.
But a marriage in which the dynamic involves berating your spouse for not meeting your standards, and your spouse placating you in order to avoid making things worse, is not a marriage that should be actively accepted and advised.
- “Sleeping in the dog house”
This saying is in the same vein as the last one, and it really just grinds my gears. Again, this is not a marital dynamic that should be accepted as the norm!
In my opinion, a disagreement in a marriage should never escalate to the point that one of the partners needs to sleep on the couch or crash at their parents’ place or be put in the proverbial “dog house”. A spouse should never have to live with the fear that if they do something wrong, they’ll be shamed and exiled.
When your spouse does something that you consider to be a mistake or in the wrong, it should be brought to their attention in a loving manner. Personally, I don’t believe that there is a place for shaming your spouse in a marriage.
- The key to a happy marriage is separate bank accounts.
I believe this is more of a modern concept, but I have heard this sentence more than once and I don’t believe it’s advice that should be promoted.
As I said above, marriage is a commitment. It is a commitment that two people make to each other to never leave one another, except under specific, limited circumstances. It is also a commitment to become one flesh together and to become one in all areas of your life.
In my opinion, divorce should not be an option that is left on the table because if that is the case, it can be brought out in heated moments as a trump card, or it can cause unnecessary resentment. Finances are a massive factor in a marriage. If spouses leave their bank accounts separate, I believe that it leaves room for the notion that you may not stay together. And I don’t believe that is a healthy attitude to have in marriage.
I believe that spouses should trust one another and be united in all things. If you are going into marriage feeling as though you cannot commit to combining finances with that person, then you should not commit to that marriage.
Because the fact that it wouldn’t be too difficult to get a divorce if things get messy, will always be in the back of your mind.
- “Ball and chain”
The “ball and chain” idiom, in the area of marriage, refers to a woman who decides what her husband is allowed to do. In the ball and chain analogy, marriage is a prison, and the wife is the chain that keeps her husband to it.
Perhaps you’ve noticed a pattern with several of these phrases. “Happy wife, happy life”, the husband who is subjected to “sleeping in the dog house”, the husband who has to drag around his “ball and chain”. Have you ever heard of the sayings, “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband” or “The husband is the head of the family, but the wife is the neck that turns the head”?
All of these simply remind me of the Bible verse that says, “To the woman he said, ‘I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.’” (Genesis 3:16, ESV) Since sin entered the world, wives have wanted to be superior to their husbands and they have tried to take their husband’s authority out from under them. This is how a lot of marriages function, sadly.
The thing that I hate about all of these sayings and phrases is that they put men down, making them seem powerless and stupid, and they promote a lifestyle and thinking that is contrary to the way God intended things. They allow women to think that they can act however they please without having to treat their husband as a human being or even an equal, when he should be their head. These phrases are thrown around with such flippancy, but they contain such an undercurrent of disrespect. Perhaps they are mostly said in jest or teasing, but I’d like them to be abandoned all together, as I don’t like the way that they inadvertently shape the thinking of our culture and our future generations.
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Well there you have it. These are the catchphrases about love and marriage that I have beef with. If there are any phrases that you have beef with, be sure to tell me about them in the comments!
Couples don’t need to be walking around believing things about marriage that aren’t true. Let’s dispel these wrong beliefs together. 🙂
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